


Those three words

by ForEvenAndEver (yuraxchan)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insecure Isak, M/M, Mention of Past Suicide Attempt, Misunderstandings, Sexy Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 03:59:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/ForEvenAndEver
Summary: Even hasn’t said ‘I love you’ again after the text he sent him that night. When Isak was at the church. Isak is grateful because he’s not sure he would want to hear it again. He’ll always be reminded of that fateful night and his heart can’t take it.





	Those three words

**Author's Note:**

> [Russian translation](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5598877) by the lovely _Out_Of_The_Black_ :)

Even hasn’t said ‘I love you’ again after the text he sent him that night. When Isak was at the church.

Isak is grateful because he’s not sure he would want to hear it again. He’ll always be reminded of that fateful night and his heart can’t take it. Don’t get him wrong, he really wishes he could hear those three words coming from Even’s mouth, he’s dreamed of it okay, but if Even says it while feeling sad or hopeless then he’d rather not hear them at all.

Isak is scared to hear them again, scared of what they could mean. Because Even’s view on love isn’t a happily ever after. For Even, love means sadness, means loss, means death. Even thinks loving someone is losing them in the end. So Isak kind of wish Even doesn’t love him too much. That he doesn’t think of them like _that_.

Each time they’re lying beside each other, smiling gently, their lips brushing as they kiss, Isak is worried Even will open his mouth and say those words. When it happens, his heart beats faster and he dives in, cupping Even’s face to kiss him deeper, to make sure he won’t talk, to make sure that the only noises coming from his lips would be moans and groans, not words.

It became a habit. When they’re alone, looking into each other’s eyes lovingly, Even’s fingers tracing Isak’s face, carding through his hair, slotting their mouths together slowly and tenderly, Isak freaks out. His palms become clammy, his breath quickens, his heartbeat skyrockets. That’s his cue to deepen the kiss, to shut Even up while crashing his lips on his hungrily. He always kisses him hard, distracts him with nips and bites, pushing his tongue down his throat, doing anything to silence him.

Used to it by now, Even always responds with as much intensity, grabbing Isak’s hair to angle his face right, and pushing him against the nearest surface available. Even makes it so easy for Isak. He’s always responding well to his touch, always ready to satisfy his neediness. Isak knows his lover must think he’s horny 24/7 but he doesn’t care. He’d rather let Even think he wants him all the time than explain his fear. Besides, the sex is great, fantastic even, so Isak won’t complain.

Even breaks apart to breath and Isak heaves. “Slow down, baby. We’ve got time.”

Isak smiles sheepishly but avoids his gaze, feeling guilty. Even’s been saying that a lot recently. He must have noticed something. Isak doesn’t think he suspects anything but still...He has to be careful. Even’s hands cup his cheeks, his thumbs caressing the corner of his lips. Isak leans into his touch, eyelashes fluttering. Even smiles and pecks his lips gently; once, twice, thrice. He bumps their nose together and they both grin.

Feeling Even’s warm breath hitting his skin, Isak licks his lips and drops his gaze to Even’s lips. He watches as Even’s lips stretch into a smile before he chuckles, and Isak knows he’s busted. Letting out a small groan, he kisses him again, languidly this time. Even draws back once more and Isak whimpers quietly, annoyed. “Slowly,” Even murmurs. “I know you can’t get enough of me but...let’s slow it down for once.”

Isak gives him a look. “I don’t hear you complaining when you’re deep ins-”

Laughing, Even shuts him up with another kiss.

“You can’t get enough of me either.” Isak points out mischievously, his hand curling around Even’s neck.

Humming, Even keeps smiling and reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers to lead him to the bed.

“Slow, my ass.” he snorts.

Even arches his eyebrows and makes himself comfortable on the bed, lying on his side and facing his lover. His hand comes to rest on his cheek, as usual, as he gazes at him. Isak’s breath hitches at the look Even is giving him. Calming his racing heart, he nuzzles Even’s hand and closes his eyes. ‘Don’t say it, please don’t say it’ he chants in his head, keeping his eyes shut tightly. Perhaps if he wishes hard enough, it won’t happen.

“Isak.” Even says. His tone is serious. “Isak, look at me.”

Blinking his eyes open, Isak doesn’t look at him immediately. When he does, Even seems worried.

“You’re trembling.” He frowns, his hand sliding down Isak’s shoulder to his waist. “Are you okay?”

His throat closed up, Isak nods. “Y-Yeah.”

Even doesn’t look convinced. He comes closer, his hand patting Isak’s clothed body in search of something, anything that could explain Isak’s attitude. Isak grabs his hand and tilts his head to kiss him, pushing on his elbow to roll them over. He straddles Even’s body and keeps kissing him, his lover responding flabbily. Isak’s hands reach for his t-shirt, detaching their lips to take it off but when he grabs the hem of Even’s, his lover stops him. Keeping his eyes close, his lips still against Even’s, and Isak waits. He feels stupid.

“Isak,” Even whispers against his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you want me?” Isak widens his eyes pleadingly.

Even appears confused. “I always want you.”

“Then...why did you stop me?”

Even pushes at his shoulders to get some space between them and Isak’s heart drops. “You’re always rushing.” He frowns. “I’ve noticed that you never listen to me when I want to slow down. You keep pushing and pushing.”

Isak’s throat constricts. He tries to slide down Even’s lap but Even keeps him in place with his hands on his hips. Isak grabs his t-shirt instead and pulls it on. He’d rather not be half-naked if they were to the point of having _the_ talk. Even looks at him closely, searching his face. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing.”

“Isak, please. I’m not dumb.” Even sighs. He still looks concerned.

“I didn’t want to worry you, I’m sorry.”

Even sits up, jostling Isak’s body but not letting him go. “I just want to know what’s up in your head.” He caresses his cheek. “Talk to me.”

“You like it though, right? When we...”

“Of course.” Even cuts in. “That’s not the issue here. I want to know why you never want it slow, why you seem anxious when we’re lying side by side in silence. You keep kissing me and wanting more.”

Isak rolls his eyes. “What? You don’t like having sex with me?”

“That’s not it.” Even says, frustrated. “You know it. I like having sex with you, I could have sex with you all the damn time.”

“What’s the problem then?”

“You.” Even replies truthfully.

“Me?” Isak parrots dumbly. “What about me?”

“Do you...like having sex with me?”

Isak widens his eyes. “Of course!”

“Then...why do you always like it...hard and fast?” Even bites his lips thoughtfully. “Why can’t we go slow for once?”

“We can go slow.” Isak splutters, trying to sound convincing. “I like slow too.”

“Okay.” Even’s thumbs rub his hips in a comforting manner.

Isak smiles tentatively and lets Even kiss him slowly and carefully. He lets Even lead the pace, lets himself be pushed on the mattress, lets Even discard his clothes one by one, lets Even kiss every inch of his body sensually, lets Even’s hands map out his skin, lets Even’s mouth ravish him. Even keeps it tender, looking deeply into his eyes as he’s leisurely fucking into him. His moves are languid, painfully slow, making Isak gasp and moan underneath him as he craves for his release.

Even’s mouth hovers on his, his warm breath hitting Isak’s face, his own sighs and moans and groans barely contained. Isak buries his face in his neck, planting his nails in his back as he’s reaching his orgasm. Even doesn’t let him come though and Isak whines low in his throat, frustrated. “Not yet,” Even murmurs pecking his lips. Isak hitches his leg up to get a better angle, letting out a high-pitched moan when Even goes deeper.

Biting his lips in concentration, Even holds his leg up, his sweaty palm spread on the inside of his thigh, and keeps fucking into him steadily, making sure to keep Isak on the brink of his orgasm each time he feels the tension build in. “I swear to god if you don’t make me come right this minute, I’ll kill you,” Isak says viciously. Chuckling, Even kisses the top of his nose and finally decides to speed up the pace, thrusting faster and deeper.

“Better?” he teases, canting his hips faster.

Isak doesn’t reply, too overwhelmed by his impending orgasm. He cups Even’s face and brings their mouths together as he comes between their bodies, clenching around Even and moaning his name. His lover grunts in the kiss but keeps rocking into him until he comes too. Even then pulls away and rolls on his back, spent. Isak follows the motion and plasters himself against his side, peppering kisses to his chest above his heart, his fingers tracing arabesques on his stomach. Closing his eyes, he keeps chanting ‘I love you’ in his head as he regains his breathing.

Even hugs him tighter to his side and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Wasn’t so bad to go slow, right?” he inquires with a throaty voice. Isak shakes his head, too warm, too comfortable to reply. It feels nice to be in Even’s arms like that.

“Isak.” Even calls after a while.

Humming, Isak waits but Even doesn’t talk immediately so he’s forced to open his eyes and to look up. What comes out of Even’s mouth makes him tense up though and he wishes he hadn’t let his guard down. “I love you.” Even’s eyes are looking at him with so much love. It’s like a punch in the chest. “I love you,” he repeats with a small and shy smile. He’s beautiful. Happy. In love.

Isak is frozen, unable to react. He knows his expression isn’t what Even is waiting for. He can feel his face fall, the panic cursing through his body, the fear of losing Even paralyzing him. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Even’s expression turns sour and disappointed and Isak hates himself for it. But he’s terrified of those words, terrified of what they might imply. “You can’t...”

Even frowns, hurt written all over his face. “I can’t? That’s how I feel, Isak.” he snaps, probably reminded of how controlling Sonja was. Only _you_ know what _you_ feel, Isak had said once.

Isak isn’t listening to him though. Shaking his head, he presses their forehead together. “You can’t leave me.” His eyes are wild. They well up with tears and he heaves. “You can’t.”

Confused, Even shushes him and cards his fingers through Isak’s hair to comfort him. “I’m not leaving you, what are you talking about?” he whispers, looking into Isak’s eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Last time you said you loved me...I nearly lost you.” Isak chokes up, lips wobbling, tears falling.

Understanding drawing on him, Even kisses him hard, desperate, circling his arms around his body to embrace him. “I’m so sorry, Isak. I’m so sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right there beside you.” he whispers brokenly, wiping his tears away gently with his thumbs. “I promise.”

Isak melts against him, praying for his words to be true. “Don’t leave me.” He keeps repeating it like a mantra and Even hugs him tighter and tighter, not letting him go. Isak nuzzles his jaw and he kisses the skin there before looking up to meet Even’s eyes. “I love you.” he confesses, his voice full of feelings.

Even lets out a shaky breath and nods a few times, smiling. He bumps their nose together and exhales against his mouth. “I love you so much, Isak.” He bites his lips. “I’m sorry you’ve been worried about me leaving you. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” He sighs in relief when he feels Isak’s smile against his cheek and kisses him once more.

“I believe you.” Isak says, searching for his hand and lacing their fingers together.


End file.
